Over thirty plus years, I have been told by many to write my story. For several decades I procrastinated on when and how I was going to go about it because the pain and embarrassment was too difficult to bear.  Most of the hindrance that kept me from telling my story derived from being threatened at very young age as to what could happen if anything that went on in the household was discussed with anyone outside of the household.  Because of the risks and the degradation, I kept everything bottled up inside. For a large portion of my life I have been confronted with  many obstacles and adversities. Which included sexual, mental and emotional abuse. Carrying secrets around for several decades lead me down a dark path and a life of self-destruction. The challenges that I was faced with sometimes seemed as if I was going through a war zone and that there was no way out. For a numerous amount of years I had no will to live. To diminish all of the negative thoughts and dull all of the pain, I turned to drugs and alcohol. During those dark days, I had contemplated suicide on many occasions. But deep down inside of me I never wanted to end my life. I just wanted the pain to go away. In the midst of everything, I would always pray for myself and I knew of several other people that prayed for me too. In 2017, I wrote a few pages and put it away. As time passed, my thought pattern shifted.  I began to believe that by telling my story I could unleash some of the lingering pain and possibly make a difference in someone else's life. Although it has taken me a long time to write, I feel that this is the right time. With so many depressing and embarrassing moments about my past life,  I look back at my life today with so much gratitude that I am alive and that my past life has made me into the woman that I am today. I now know that my good out way my bad and I came to the realization that it would be awfully selfish of me to keep my story to myself.